Monday, July 23, 2012

Metacommunications - What I said isn't what I meant

The wonderful world of communication is so limited and so impractical.  What one word or definition means to me may or may not be what that word or definition means to you.  I may string a whole paragraph together in an email that means one thing to me and quite another to you.  We could have a whole conversation where I think its going quite well and you think its the worst conversation ever.

Besides our differences in definitions, we also have our old family and relationship triggers that bring a whole emotional sphere to our conversations.  As soon as our family issues are triggered, we may then shut down and then only our mom or dad's voice or our last painful significant other's voice takes over in our head.  At that point its all over but the crying.

I took a whole class on "metacommunications" during my bachelors program in the late 1980's.  The professor drilled into us that relationship issues were mostly due to differences in meaning from one family system to another.

So how on earth do we communicate effectively with each other with these kinds of limitations?

The only way to help with this is to work on ourselves.  The more we let go of our own past triggers that send us into defensive, avoidance, and hurt responses the more we can accept each others differences.  Perhaps its acceptance that is the key.  Accepting that we're all imperfect due to being human.  Accepting we're all prone to fits of moods and difficult days.

An ex-boyfriend once said to me, "you really don't know somebody until you've been in a crisis with them."  We've been through many a crisis with each other and are still supporting each other.  despite us not making it as a couple, we're still soul family and still help each other out during times of difficulty along with enjoying fun times together.

I talked to another friend I've known for 12 years this evening.  Her, her husband, and I have gone through many a crisis together.  Their relationship, my relationships, family difficulties and spiritual healing crisis.  She said, "you really know who your friends are when they're still standing in the river with you after a flood."

There are some bonds that stand the test of time.  You may have a break in connection, for a short time, to process something that seems insurmountable but something brings you back together again and again.

I do believe we have soul contracts where we've come to support each other through the ebbs and flows of life.  Some are destiny; some are free will.  These soul contracts may be family, friends, therapists, spirit guides (those in the higher realms supporting us), and other earth angels.

Its all about knowing that our earth times together have stretches of great beauty and also times of struggle.  The struggle is typically about our perception about life events based on cultural, religious, ancestral, and personal beliefs systems.

The brain and body tends to "lock onto" what its been taught and believes it is truth.  Most things are not truth--only an illusion of what we think is real since earth is a temporary learning ground that has had many truths during many eras of learning.

Many of us believe we're entering a new era of learning--a new era of Being on planet earth.  Its imperative that we support each other during these phases of change.  We're ready to let go of the past as we know it and "Transform Together."

A well known marker of transformation is the end of the Mayan calender which is December 21, 2012.  Myself and five amazing facilitators (Tim Culbert, MD, Michele Rae, MA, Henry Emmons, MD, Barbara Stahl EdS, Kevin Harrington, PhD) will be hosting a day long retreat on that day geared towards helping you "let go of the past as you know it and create a new future with community."

Take a look at our website to check out another way to break the old "metacommunication" barriers.  Go to "events" to register.

In the meantime, know that these are challenging times--we're all going through a large shift together that makes acceptance, understanding, and support more crucial.  Let's all work at putting aside judgement and our own world view on how things should be so we can create something more fluid and meaningful together.

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