Monday, July 16, 2012

Loss as an Art Form

I've been thinking a lot about loss lately knowing that its a core issue of mine and is also a core issue that humanity shares in common.  I always think of myself as someone who flows through change relatively easily and has a perspective about loss that is very helpful.  However, loss still pops its ugly little head into my consciousness since I love fiercely and, like all of us, become attached to people in my life.

Loss has always been in the collective ethers as painful and something to minimize or avoid.  Every change is based on loss.  A birth on planet earth is a loss in some other realm or dimension, a death on planet earth is a birth in some other realm or dimension, the loss of a friendship is a new era into new friendships to bring in fresh ideas and new experiences.  Every ending is a new beginning but sometimes endings (losses)  can be difficult to work through.  So how do we do it differently?

Death and/or not seeing someone again is the most difficult loss since we may love the way they were as that particular human.  They'll never be that individual again despite the fact that their soul goes on and on and will go on and on with you in a different environment and different type of body.

Even if you KNOW all of these things are true, how do you FEEL that all of these things are true?

First off we need to accept that we are human and therefore have emotions and that emotions are okay.  Sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, disbelief, and shock are some of the emotions we may experience that are just as valid as a part of our human experience as happiness and peace.  Accepting our emotions is a huge step towards letting them go and feeling lighter.

Having a sense of humor about things that wouldn't normally be considered humorous can help too.  Sometimes I think of my life as a comedy show--something like the TV series "Seinfeld" or "I love Lucy."

One funny experience was during my cousin Marla's hospice experience.  I felt particularly nostalgic that she wouldn't be around much longer as I noticed her weakened condition.  I felt the emotions of sadness and impending loss so a tear slipped down my cheek.  My mother happened to be there who is very much against any type of emotional displays.  She saw that I had a tear on my check so signaled me to wipe it off and to quit feeling sad.  I automatically stated loudly to a room full of relatives, "I can cry if I want to." My mom's look of disbelief paired with Marla's sister later saying, "I think I was born into the wrong branch of the family--we're all so repressed," makes me want to howl with laughter.

Another funny memory with Marla was close to her death.  She had been married for many years to a man named Fred who was an alcoholic who caused her a lot of pain. She had three near death experiences before she actually died.  She signaled me over and said with a hushed, secretive voice. "Fred keeps showing up as I'm about to die.  He holds out his hand and telepathically tells me he's going to cross me over.  I'm not dying--I'm not going with him."

Another funny experience that makes me want to laugh was at my aunt's funeral.  The parish priest gave a long eulogy about only Catholics going to heaven along with making numerous errors about my aunt's life story.  My cousin Keith whispered to me in half disbelief and half sarcasm,"what's up with the priest?  Let's debrief at Caribou afterwards."

Well, we actually did which is a very fond memory for me.  Finding ways to find the humor in even the most difficult scenarios can help transform the pain.

However, I know its difficult, if not impossible, to find humor in all of our losses.  Particularly with the loss of a beloved child or beloved spouse.  These losses take time but there are things we can do to make it more bearable.
  • Ask for an obvious sign from your loved one that they are still around you. You can ask to see them in a very real dream or in some other way where you may feel them, have lights go on, or some other sign that is obvious to you.  Seeing someone who can communicate with them can be helpful too.
  • Make sure you talk to people about your loved one.  Do not keep silent about them.  Join a support group if there's no one you can share regularly with.  It can be helpful to talk to people who have similar losses for awhile.
  • Feel your emotions when they come up but also make sure you find time to get out and away from them so they're not all consuming.
  • Read a book about near death experiences so you feel better that your loved one has moved on to some better place.
  • Talk to your loved one as though they are around you.  They can hear you.
  • If you feel them around you and it feels like they haven't crossed over yet (or you may not be sure they have) tell them that its okay to cross over.  Ask that the tunnel of light is there so they can use it to cross over.  Ask that relatives who have already crossed over meet up with them along with spirit guides or Angels.  If someone hasn't crossed over, you may feel their sadness which can make it harder for you to get over their death.
Remember, we are not on this planet very long.  There will be losses and much change while we're here.  Infuse as much humor as possible into all your changes and losses.  After all, we're all actors and actresses on this stage called earth.  Accept and feel whatever emotions come up for you without judging them.  This is important since this will help release them from your body so you can feel lighter inside.

Remind yourself:  "I am a Divine Being having a Human Experience."  This current life is a drop in the ocean of your soul's vast experiences.  Make it as adventurous as possible since it will all be over soon enough.


Doug Toft said...

Giving people a suggestion to infuse loss with humor is a tough idea to write about. You did it well.

Maureen Higgins said...

Thank you Doug. Humor has been essential to my happiness so glad it came across well.